Actual Things Said to Me While Pregnant
Female Co-Worker: Hey! You finally look pregnant instead of fat.
Me: *turns around and leaves room*
Female Co-Worker to Other Co-Worker: Well, you know what I mean! In the beginning you look so chubby.
Me to Large Group at Very Official Meeting: Just to keep you all up to date, I’m pregnant and I’ll be working hard to find coverage for while I’m away.
Female President of Said Meeting: Was this a planned pregnancy?
Male Boss: Go forth and multiply! Oh wait, guess you’re already working on that.
Me: *uncomfortable laugh*
Male Boss: Oh, would you consider learning this software on maternity leave? Oh. I guess I shouldn’t ask you that. Hm. But you know.
Female Co-worker: Wow, only five months? You look further along.
Me: Yep. Only five.
Co-worker: I didn’t even look pregnant until I was six months along. I just wore my husbands button downs to work. When I told my boss, he was shocked.
Me: Well, I guess everyone is different.
Co-worker: I was only big in the last month.
Female Relative: When are you due?
Me: October 31, but it’ll probably be November. Doctor says first one is usually late.
Relative: Oh! I had mine all a week early. And they just fell out! Got to the hospital and just gave birth.
Me: Well, everyone’s different, I guess.
Relative: Birth is easy!
Female Library Patron: When are you due?
Me: Fourteen weeks.
Patron: No, you aren’t.
Me: Um. Yes. Yes, I am.
Patron: You’re way too big for that.
Me (annoyed): Yes, I’m fat.
Patron: No! It’s all baby. *laughs as if this is hilarious*
(Later, same Patron)
Patron: Okay, well I’ll see you in the spring.
Me: No, I’ll still be here a few more months.
Patron: Oh no, I don’t think so. You’re having that baby soon!
Me: Please don’t say that. You’re wishing my baby to be several months premature.
Patron: *laughs* You’re just so big! We’ll see. Any week now.
Male Patron: When are you due?
Me: In a few months.
Patron: Oh. I thought you were ready to go on leave like…today.
(almost forgot this one!)
Several Female Co-workers at least once a week: How are you feeling?
Me: Fine, thanks!
Co-workers: But the heat…
Me: *laughs* I know, but it’s cool in here and I have A/C at home.
Co-workers: *ominous voices* But August is coming. And pregnant in the summer is the worst.
Me: Right, but…nothing I can do about it now.
Co-workers: I had my baby in winter.
Me: Uh huh. Well I’m due in late fall so…
Co-Workers: August is coming.
Mom: *takes my face in her hands, looks deeply into my eyes* You just look so beautiful.
Me:Thanks, Mommy. *Instantly forgives mother for every bad body image talk in the last thirty years because OMG. That is the only thing you should say to pregnant lady after ‘How are you feeling?” *
without warning at my library
this mysterious figure appeared:
after recovering from my heart attack, I realize who it is:
…shit. In a library. With the tenth doctor, looking grumpy. I’m going to get eaten by the shadows, aren’t I?
Fave Tropes and Nope Tropes
I was tagged by museaway!
- Established Relationships
- Alternate Universe with intensive world building.
- Gentle Domming, heavy on praise and tenderness here.
- Slow Build
- OT3 or OT4 beyond PWP.
I would say that those are ‘Nope’, I’ve definitely read all of them anyway and could probably even rec a fic or two in each. It’s just much harder to get me there.
- High School AU
- Miscommunication or worse, Lying and being found out
- Pretend to be Lovers
- UST that doesn’t have to be UST
I highly recommend Begin Again with Knightly and Ruffalo. It’s not particularly deep or unexpected. It just made me feel good.
featheredschist asked: Hulkeye, strippers caught in the rain, Thorin/bilbo? Caught in the rain (if not a ship, your choice), and science boys, either...
(ha, bet you guys thought I forgot about these prompts! I did not. I’m just releasing them at the slowest rate EVER. Went Bruce/Clint here. Just caught in the rain cause my stripper muse is employed elsewhere at the moment.)
Hulk liked the rain. He lay back in the muddy field, the downpour sluicing off the smudges of smoke and ash. Somewhere, far behind him, the last of the HYDRA facility smoldered into ruins. It had been a good day. No one had stopped him when he walked off, no tranquilizer guns waved in his face. The Starman had even told him ‘Good Job’ with a pat on his arm.
"You okay there, big guy?"
Hulk opened one eye. The Arrow was standing nearby, turning his face up to the sky, water slicked his hair back.
"Yes," Hulk rumbled and sighed out. "Banner coming."
"No rush," Arrow sat down beside the Hulk, resting his back against the curve of Hulk’s ribs. "I told the others to head back. I can pilot the chopper back when you’re ready."
Arrow made a small point of warmth against Hulk’s skin. Gingerly, Hulk curled his arm around Arrow, not quite touching. Arrow put his legs up on Hulk’s forearm.
Bruce came to soaking wet and freezing. He’d lost feeling in one arm, Clint snugged against him and snoring.
"How the hell are you sleeping in this?" He asked, turning to press himself to Clint’s back. It was still cold as hell.
"Practice," Clint said through a yawn. "Anyway, Hulk is like a furnace."
"I’m not sure how I feel about the two of you cuddling."
"It’s not cheating if you guys share a body," Clint kissed Bruce’s hand. "You taste like rain water."
Who are these parents that base their decision making on how many notes a Tumblr post gets?
Wow. Got the first negative review on GoodReads that I actually wanted to respond too. I won’t, because man do I ever NOT want to be that person, but it took a lot of strength.
I guess it’s because most of the other negative reviews, I could see their point. I might not have liked it, but they were either correct or just didn’t like the style of the story which is totally valid.
This one though. Man. Ugh. I stopped reading it halfway through because I was writing responses in my head which is a bad sign. It was just a laundry list of complaints that I vehemently disagreed with. Like, they didn’t like that Liam didn’t swallow because ‘if you love someone, you love all of them’. Just no. No. I don’t have to swallow something I think tastes gross to prove I love you.
…anyway. Figured I’d get that out here instead of on GoodReads like an Anne Rice wannabe.